Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
