we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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