my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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