she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
