I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
