Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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