And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
