Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have demons in me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
