i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
