the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
