These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
