I seem to have left my pride at pride
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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