Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
