Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
