Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
