I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
