Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
