Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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