How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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