You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
