Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
