is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
