her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
