So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
