I smell stomach acid.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
