woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
