all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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