My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
