somebody snuck up and got me drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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