Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
