Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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