took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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