evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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