Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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