Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
