I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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