I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
