That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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