It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
