We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
