I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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