I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
