it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
