Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
