theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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