dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
