If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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