I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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