I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
