Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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